"The worst thing about living in such a big city is that the walk of shame is a very long walk."

I love it when you peel an orange and the skin comes off in one piece. Today I spiral-peeled my orange, so when I lay the rind out flat it looks like an S.

So I'm sitting at my desk, eating this orange, listening to Bill Burr's Monday Morning podcast and laughing my ass off while staring at my computer pretending to work - which is totally unnecessary since I work from home now, so who exactly am I lying to? - when I was struck with the most awesome idea for an April Fool's Day joke.

What if I super-glued the orange peel back together and left it out for someone to find? You know those community fruit baskets in the office kitchen with bananas and apples for the taking? Or the occasional catered lunch at work where you feel compelled to eat the food because it's free even though it tastes like shit, and you're hoping it's at least healthy because the catering service threw in a plate of fruit? I would give anything to leave this empty orange among some real fruit and stick around to see what happens when someone grabs it and it gently deflates in their hand. There would be an immediate outburst of "What the fuck?" as the victim inspects my handiwork with that bewildered scrunch on their face, followed by a disapproving eye roll when they realize that they'd been punked. They would turn to whoever else is in the kitchen and say, "Really? Who would do this?" Meanwhile I'm standing by the sink in absolute stitches, trying my best but failing miserably to not give myself away.

I laughed so hard at the thought of this that I actually had to pause Bill Burr because I didn't want to miss anything he was saying. He's a pretty funny guy. I wonder what he would think of my orange-peel prank. He'd probably do a 15-minute rant on how dumb it is and how anyone who thinks this is funny must be stupid, and I'd laugh along like an idiot anyway because his delivery is awesome and he speaks the truth.

But anyway, back to the orange. The thing is, I can't play this joke on anyone as I have neither roommates nor coworkers. I enjoy the solitude for the most part because, let's face it, people bother me. There are days when I feel like everybody I know has conspired to be as irritating as possible and are taking bets on who will be the first to get slapped. It is probably in everyone's best interest that I am insulated from the world.

But there are some days that I do feel the pain of loneliness, and today, April 1, 2013, is one of those days. I have no one to prank.

Since I can't play this joke on anybody, and I'm not cruel enough to give an empty orange to a bum, I thought I'd share the idea with my blog readers (if there are still any out there). Peel an orange, eat the contents, glue the rind back together, leave it out for someone to find, and let me know how it goes. Don't forget to have your camera ready.