So I finally figured out why so many of my friends are getting on my nerves. There are various components to the answer, including the fact that I can be a total bitch at times, but we'll leave that one off to the side for now. If we assume that I'm talking about a day when I am not PMS-ing, would those same people still annoy me?
The answer is that they most likely would. Today I had an epiphany during which I realized that I have become a repository for people's dirty secrets. Cheating, addiction, daddy issues, money issues, green-card marriages, depraved sexual acts, inappropriate work relationships, listening to REO Speedwagon on Spotify - you name it, I've heard it. For some reason, people feel comfortable telling me things that they normally wouldn't share with anyone else. Even if a person has other friends they are close to, I alone have been given access to the cesspool of horrific information they are guarding. I guess it makes sense why this would be the case: I listen, I don't judge, and I don't tell. Why wouldn't people dump all their secrets on me?
I don't have a problem with what someone has done in the past or what they are going through right now. No one is perfect, and I'm certainly no angel. What I do have a problem with is the way a person's behavior changes once they feel close to you.
You see, developing a friendship with someone is a lot like dating. You meet, you feel a good vibe, you hang out, you talk. In the beginning stages your new friend only shows you their good side. The more you get to know them, the more good things you discover until you reach a point where you truly value the relationship you have with this person. He or she is now your friend.
Once you move past a certain point of intimacy, your new friend will reveal some not-so-flattering facts that they've kept hidden from the public. If you're not weirded out by this information, then the friendship is real. You are now homies, friends for life. Nothing can rip you apart.
What troubles me about learning my friends' secrets is not the secrets themselves, but how comfortable these people feel when they are around me now that I know all their secrets. Comfortable to the point where common courtesy becomes a thing of the past. These close friends will start taking me for granted, asking for favors that they never dared to ask before, flaking out on plans, forgetting their wallets when we do go out, and exhibiting other forms of selfish and annoying behavior. They seem to believe that since I don't judge them for the mistakes they made before we met, I won't judge them for acting like an asshole now that we're friends.
I don't know where you people learned that it's okay to be a douche bag after you've grown close to someone, but please unlearn it. Remember how you used to not brag about every instance of getting hit on by a member of the opposite sex? Or how you used to pretend to give a shit when I had something to say? Or how you used to actually show up when we made plans? Where did that person go? Can we please go back to the time before you unloaded all your sins on me like I'm some priest at a confessional, so you can go back to being that cool, fun, interesting person I met and became friends with? Keep your secrets, I don't need them. What I need is a nice fucking person to hang out with.
I completely understand why some folks have a fear of intimacy. If you never get too close to anyone, it's much harder for anyone to feel okay about treating you like dirt, or asking you to do things that you don't want to do, or expecting you to listen every time they give a speech about how awesome they are. That last one absolutely kills me. It may not seem like a big deal, but it happens so often that the person isn't even aware of it, and I haven't quite figured out how to tell them to shut the fuck up.
Maybe that's why our society encourages extraversion. Lots of people to hang out with, plans every weekend, and everybody is on their best behavior. A casual acquaintance probably won't get wasted and puke in your car as you drive them home and talk your ear off about the hottie they met at the bar while you sponge their vomit off your upholstery, but a good friend definitely will.
Of course, it's just as likely that everyone I know is annoying the shit out of me simply because I'm a total bitch.
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