If you don't know what to write, here's a form letter you can use. Just replace the words in brackets with whatever is applicable to your experience while reading this blog.
Dear Reeny,
Thank you so much for your recent blog post on [VELOCIRAPTOR RECIPES]. Not only was your writing poignant and funny, but I learned a very important lesson about life. I'm going to have to reevaluate some of the choices I've made. Maybe I'll even adopt a [LEPRECHAUN].
The reason I'm writing to you is because I am the editor-in-chief of [THE NEW YORK TIMES] and I would like to extend you a job offer. You can write about whatever you want and it will always go on the front page. I am willing to offer you $100 per word at this time; you can renegotiate for a higher rate after a trial period of [24 HOURS].
I realize that you are very busy working on your [NOVEL/SCREENPLAY/EPIC POEM] and may not have time to take on another writing gig. In that case, I would like to buy your blog at whatever price you name.
Please consider at least one of my offers and get back to me whenever it is convenient for you.
Sincerely,
[KERMIT THE FROG]
Insults? Spam? Bill collectors? Email him.
Don't worry, I have a form letter for that too.
Dear Asshole,
You suck. Stop sending Reeny special offers for male enhancement products. She is female. Besides, those things don't work, and I would know.
Sincerely,
[BILL CLINTON]
You can also like this blog on Facebook. Then you won't have to like it in real life.
