"Hey, Art Thiel: Shut the hell up!"

That's what I said out loud after reading this long-winded diatribe by Seattle sportswriter Art Thiel. If you think I'm out of line, then I suggest you read it as well. Don't worry, I'll wait. I also apologize in advance. ;)

Done? Okay, good. Now I can continue. Where was I? Oh yeah...

Hey, Art Thiel: Shut the hell up!

Waa, waa, waaaaaaaa. Did you get beat up by a Californian when you were in grade school? Maybe you're on your period. ;) Or maybe you're just another typical Seattleite, overly sensitive and hyper-protective of your beloved hometown. So an L.A. Times blogger thinks Seattleites are wimps, so what? All that sobbing about the mean lady who called you names didn't exactly make you look like a tough guy. :p

I have never read a piece of writing that was so angry, so defensive, and yet so boring at the same time. Congrats for pulling that off. ;) My friends like to tease me for going off on nerdy rants, but obviously they've never seen anything written by you when you've felt insulted. You basically published a thesis paper on Seattle terrain in comparison to other cities that get snow. Wow. Next to you, I look cool, and that never happens! :D

I live in a city that people love to make fun of. Who cares? I make fun of it too. :) I mean, I could have named this blog Romantic L.A. (yeah, right) or Classic L.A. (please!) or even Sunny L.A. (closer to the truth, but far too cheerful for my purposes) but I didn't. I know this place isn't perfect, and that's why I don't get all upset when people talk trash about it. But you know what? The imperfections of this city are what inspired me to start writing. :) You gotta learn to roll with the punches, buddy.

I've read about the recent snowstorm in Seattle. :( My family lives there. :( A friend of mine was in an accident because of the snow. :( I feel bad for you guys, I really do. :( But it doesn't change the fact that the city is full of babies - yourself included - and it's definitely not gonna stop me from giving you a hard time for producing more whine than all the vineyards in France. ;)

Yes, I know it's the wrong word. This blog was meant to be read to an audience at open mike nights, okay? :p

And lest you think I'm one of those Angelenos who doesn't know what she's talking about, then let me just say now that I was born and raised in Seattle. :p I lived there for more than 20 years before I left, so I know how awful the weather is and how idiotic the drivers are. I'm not wrong in my assessment of Seattleites being overly sensitive, either. ;) I'm one of those transplants you mentioned, only I was smart and moved in the opposite direction. And you know why? Because it freaking snows up there! :p

One more thing. If you're still upset about having to give up your lunch money to a Californian, then go see a therapist, and shut the hell up. :D

***

UPDATE: I posted this on Twitter and Art Thiel retweeted it to 1,865 followers! I'd be happy if even 10% of those followers clicked on my link. So I tweeted the following response:

@Art_Thiel That was cool of you to retweet. Sorry for calling you a baby. I have to admit I still had fun writing it, though :p

Art displayed my link on his page without comment, but there were others who did have something to say to me, and none of it was nice. Of course, they were all from Seattle which is hilarious, not to mention it only served to prove my point further. I tweeted this for them:

I should be upset that my blog post garnered mostly negative responses, but since they all came from Seattle folk I actually find it funny!

People, there's no point in living if you can't poke a little fun at yourselves.

***

UPDATE: Sarcasm doesn't come naturally to those that are easily offended. Since all these poor, helpless Seattleites on Twitter thought I seemed angry in this blog post, I went through and punctuated it with emoticons to make it less scary sounding. They have been highlighted in blue for your benefit. There, all better now?

I've also written an apology to the city of Seattle, which you can read here.