"I'm going to have to start wearing real pants then I guess... this makes me sad."

Dear friends and family who have occasionally been frustrated due to unsuccessful attempts to call or text me,

Sorry if I've offended anyone by not getting back to them right away. In case there might be any hurt feelings, misunderstandings, or actual concern for my well-being, here's a breakdown of how I handle my phone and the various reasons as to why you might not get a response from me.

Silent mode: when I'm working, sleeping, watching a movie (whether at the theater or at home), interviewing for a job, or simply not in the mood to talk to anyone.

Airplane mode: when I'm on an airplane, syncing my phone, jailbreaking my phone, playing a game on my phone, or simply not in the mood to talk to anyone.

Ignore the call/text: when I am in the shower, out of the country, don't recognize the number, don't like the caller, or simply not in the mood to talk to anyone.

Off: when my battery dies, I'm rebooting because of a bad jailbreak, or I turned the phone off manually because I was simply not in the mood to talk to anyone.

Not in service: when I'm driving up the 5 to San Francisco, taking the subway, in a dead spot, or didn't pay my bill on time because I was simply not in the mood to talk to anyone.

Don't take it personally.