"When I'm old, I'm gonna tell my grandchildren about that amazing nap I took in London."

One of the more interesting aspects of living in L.A. is its proximity to the entertainment industry. It's not unusual to walk around town and see movies being filmed. Recently I had to sneak into my own apartment because the Dark Knight Rising crew had blocked off nearby streets and evacuated my building per safety regulations.

Did you catch that? I was too stealthy even for Batman.

Anyway, entertainment industry. I edit subtitles for a living, which is nowhere near as exciting as trying to outwit a highly intelligent billionaire vigilante in a cape. But hey, it pays the bills, and I get to do what I do best: watch videos, read IMDb for "research" and check other people's spelling. Well, there's more to it than that but those are pretty much the highlights.

I listen with envy when a co-worker starts cracking up because they were assigned to work on something awesome, like Californication.

"You're timid, and you lack focus." Not the context in which I'd ever expect to hear those words.

In the meantime I'm watching some spoiled, barely-old-enough-to-drink socialite complain about how hard her life is now that she's engaged to a prince. Please.

I'm hoping that at some point in my career as a subtitle editor, I will get to work on a project for Californication. Who wouldn't enjoy getting paid to watch David Duchovny stick his foot in his mouth by saying something that was actually incredibly witty?

But my real aspiration is to one day write something that good. I'm not jealous because I'm stuck with Gossip Girl while my co-worker gets to watch Californication - okay, maybe a little bit - I'm jealous of Tom Kapinos for his brilliance and for thinking of it first. I'd give anything to create a character as hilarious, twisted, and fearless as Hank Moody. I would love to see Rob Lowe audition for a role where he talks about killing hobos immediately after kissing Evan Handler. Like this:

Now that is some damn good writing. If your jaw didn't drop, then congratulations for having already seen everything.

I sit through the teen soap operas in exchange for the opportunity to surround myself with valuable material. Working with scripts on a daily basis allows me a closer look at what sells but also what's missing in Hollywood. With a little luck and a lot of work, maybe I'll even be the first to come up with something new that is as smart and cool and edgy as Californication.

Then maybe one day, an aspiring writer will have to sneak into her place because the crew working on my film restricted access to the building in which she lives. Personally, I don't think anyone in Hollywood can say they've made it until they've forced someone to sneak into their own apartment.