And the word of the day is: PRETENTIOUS.
I feel that it is important to clarify the meaning of this word because I hear it quite often, and it is always used incorrectly. Pretentious is not synonymous with "intellectual" or "arrogant." It is not an appropriate knee-jerk response to anyone that says they like Radiohead or Wes Anderson films. It is not something that you would call a spoiled rich kid.
No, pretentious means exactly what it sounds like. A person is pretentious if he or she pretends to be something they are not. Generally, pretentious people are deeply insecure and feel that others will not like them if they show their true selves. So they put on airs of being more sophisticated, knowledgeable, or wealthy than they really are, in order to gain acceptance within a desired peer group.
Intellectuals are always being unfairly labeled as pretentious. If you meet someone who tells you they read for pleasure, and you can't imagine such a thing because you hate reading, does that mean the reader is pretentious? No, it just means that they enjoy reading. What if the reader believes they are superior to you because they read and you don't? Arrogant, yes. Narrow-minded, yes. Pretentious, no. However, if this person tells you they like to read because they want you to think they are smart, but is unable to name a single work by Shakespeare, then they are pretentious.
People have called me pretentious for being anal about spelling and grammar and for using big words in my speech. Unfortunately for those verbally-challenged buffoons, this really is the way I talk. I'm proud of my vocabulary I like knowing that my friends have to consult their dictionaries every now and then because of me. You could say that I'm full of myself. You could even describe me as annoying if that's how you really feel about it. But I am not pretentious.
And if it isn't my use of language that has people calling me pretentious, then it's my taste in movies, or my hobbies, or the things I like to talk about. Smart women, believe it or not, enjoy discussing topics other than celebrity gossip and fashion and men. Just because someone likes and appreciates something you don't understand does not mean that person is pretentious.
This is particularly true when it comes to musical preferences. There is no band in the world accused of being pretentious more often than the British five-piece critics' darling that I love, the one and only Radiohead. Why the hell does everyone who is not a fan of Radiohead think they are so pretentious? Because they like to try on different musical styles? Experimentation does not make you pretentious, it makes you experimental. Because every album they've released has gotten rave reviews? Critical acclaim does not make you pretentious, it makes you critically acclaimed. Because Thom Yorke has been known to be unfriendly towards other artists? Being antisocial does not make you pretentious, it makes you antisocial. Or is it just because Radiohead's music does not appeal to you and you don't understand why they are so popular? Guess what, that doesn't make them pretentious either.
The only correct use of the word pretentious to describe a music band is when that band exists for any reason other than the love of making music.
And what about Radiohead's fans? Since you don't like the band, people who do must be pretentious, right? Wrong. People who like Radiohead enjoy listening to their music, period. It would be a waste of time and money to buy albums, go to concerts, and scour the Internet for rarities and B-sides, just to prove you like a band that you really don't care for.
I suppose it wouldn't be a waste of money to pretend to like anything if money were no object to you, which brings me to my next category of unjustly-labeled-as-pretentious people: rich folks. People with money are often showy, self-absorbed, blissfully ignorant, conceited, and materialistic, but none of those adjectives mean the same thing as pretentious. Don't get me wrong. I've met some wealthy people that are annoying as hell; their lifestyles are extravagant and ridiculous, and they think they're better than everyone. But they aren't pretending to be anything. They really are flush with cash.
It's usually members of the bourgeoisie (middle to upper-middle class) that are pretentious in matters of wealth. People who carry fake designer bags, or empty out their savings accounts in order to buy a watch, or drive a Lexus when they can only afford a Toyota - and what's wrong with a Toyota, by the way? - those people are pretentious. I feel sorry for them. They actually believe that a show of material wealth adds to their value as a human being! What a sorry outlook to have on life.
The easiest way to tell whether or not someone is pretentious is to figure out what it is they are trying to prove. Luckily, pretentious people aren't that creative, so there are only a handful of things that all pretentious people want others to believe about them: that they are wealthier, smarter, braver, cooler, more cultured, more popular, and more accomplished than they really are.
And if someone gets on your nerves for whatever reason, but doesn't seem to have anything to prove, then you still can't call them pretentious. Lots of people don't like me, but they'll be hard-pressed to find a more honest person.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
"Correct grammar gives you a great big lady-boner, doesn't it?"
Dear friends that I go to the movies with,
You're fired.
Remember when I said, "Let's watch Life of Pi in 3D; I saw it in 2D and it was visually stunning even then!" and you responded with, "Nah, we'd rather see a shitty action flick that has a predictable storyline, will leave your ears ringing when you exit the theater, and won't receive any accolades whatsoever"? Um, yeah. I told you so.
For those of you that missed the Academy Awards earlier, Life of Pi won four Oscars tonight (three of them for aesthetics: Cinematography, Visual Effects, and Directing), beating out all the other nominated films in number of awards won this year. While I am extremely smug that the film I'd been trying to get everyone to go see experienced so much success, I am annoyed that no one gave my pick a shot whenever we did have a movie night.
From now on, theater-going will be a solo endeavor for me. I've been saying this for years now - yes, YEARS! Back when I lived in Northern California, my friends also always chose movies that I didn't like while ignoring my wishes - but I mean it this time.
So if you guys ever have trouble finding a time to hold your weekly "I Hate Reeny" meetings, just tell me you're going to the movies, and I'll pass on hanging out for the night.
You're fired.
Remember when I said, "Let's watch Life of Pi in 3D; I saw it in 2D and it was visually stunning even then!" and you responded with, "Nah, we'd rather see a shitty action flick that has a predictable storyline, will leave your ears ringing when you exit the theater, and won't receive any accolades whatsoever"? Um, yeah. I told you so.
For those of you that missed the Academy Awards earlier, Life of Pi won four Oscars tonight (three of them for aesthetics: Cinematography, Visual Effects, and Directing), beating out all the other nominated films in number of awards won this year. While I am extremely smug that the film I'd been trying to get everyone to go see experienced so much success, I am annoyed that no one gave my pick a shot whenever we did have a movie night.
From now on, theater-going will be a solo endeavor for me. I've been saying this for years now - yes, YEARS! Back when I lived in Northern California, my friends also always chose movies that I didn't like while ignoring my wishes - but I mean it this time.
So if you guys ever have trouble finding a time to hold your weekly "I Hate Reeny" meetings, just tell me you're going to the movies, and I'll pass on hanging out for the night.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
"Hookers are cheap compared to wives and girlfriends."
I have returned!
In all fairness, I stopped telling people that I was a writer months ago, until recently, when I got a contract as a tech writer. I hate lying, but just how much does one have to write in order to honestly be able to tell others, when asked what they do for a living, that they are a writer? I've asked this question of myself and others often, and have come to the following conclusion: the more famous you are, the less frequently you need to write in order to claim the occupation of writer. Hemingway has been dead for decades and thus has not produced any new material in a while, yet if you were to ask anyone what he did for a living, most of the time the answer would be something along the lines of: "He was a writer." You might get the occasional variation of novelist, author, or alcoholic, but they all mean the same thing.
Me? Well, I've got this blog, an unfinished/unpublished novel that I haven't spent any time on recently, and no fanbase (no disrespect to the 12 followers who have probably given up on me by now). So I have to write pretty much every day in order to be able to tell people that I am a writer without feeling like a liar.
But there are some things that distinguish writers from non-writers, even when we aren't putting pen to paper. We view life through a different lens, express ourselves uniquely, and use every interaction with the outside world as a chance to play with words. For us, language is a hobby. Yes, we are nerds.
So if someone you've just met tells you they are a writer, how do you know they are the real deal?
1. Writers are witty.
I have never met a writer that wasn't a smartass. It's like a contagious disease that we all caught after reading Huckleberry Finn. I myself never waste an opportunity to make fun of someone, even when I don't speak their language fluently. Let me back up a little. My heritage is Vietnamese, so when I'm around Vietnamese people (family or a nail salon), I speak Vietnamese, and I'm a smartass. I studied French in high school, so when I'm around French people (very rare but it does happen on occasion), I try to speak French, and I'm a smartass. I don't care if my pronunciation is awkward or the situation is serious; I'll still attempt a joke if it means lightening the mood. I was at a hospital a few days ago and I actually teased the nurse when he failed to start an IV correctly. I can't help myself. It's just who I am.
2. Writers like to scrutinize other people's writing.
Every writer I know analyzes written language like a forensic scientist at a crime scene. There is no spelling error that goes unnoticed, no improper use of grammar that doesn't get called out. We all hate the way most people text and update their Facebook statuses. Every time someone shares one of those Internet memes - you know, the picture of something funny with a witty caption - I always cringe at the poor use of English before laughing at the clever observation.
And hashtagging? What is up with that? I've written about hashtags before, but the epidemic has gotten even worse than I could ever have imagined. Hashtagged phrases used to be short quips that came after fully-realized thoughts. These days, many of my friends on Facebook just write their statuses as a series of hashtags. A year ago, a typical status update would have looked like this:
At the beach drinking pina coladas and playing volleyball with friends. Lovin' life! #goodtimes
I never would have complained about it if I'd known back then what I was in for. Now, a typical status update looks like this:
#beach #pinacoladas #friends #volleyball #goodtimes
What the fuck? How is it possible that people have enough time to check in and take pictures and share every little thing they do with the world, yet can't be bothered to write out full sentences anymore? I feel like I'm reading updates written in Newspeak from 1984. Just change your status to "doubleplusgood" and get it over with already.
Oh, excuse me, I meant #doubleplusgood.
If English teachers ruled the world, this shit would not fly. But they don't, and I feel sorry for them when I think about the kind of nonsense they have to deal with every time they grade papers. It's one of the reasons I never became an English teacher, even though I'm perfect for the job (dying to live abroad for a year, take pleasure in pointing out spelling mistakes). I don't want to spend my weekends working through a stack of essays written in a language that is not English, but its bastard child:
Macbeth was gr8. Yo check it, Duncan b 2 old 4 Scotland. Macbeth b killin da foo wit no mercy n gets 2 b king! Mad props to dat boy, he n his wifey crazy! Fuck Macduff n all da haterz. #doubledoubletoilntrouble
That was painful to write, but I'm hoping I got at least one laugh out of it.
3. Writers can only stand to hang out with intelligent people.
Every writer values good conversation, and you can't have those if you're hanging out with dumb people. All of my friends are smart. If one of my smart friends says something dumb, I avoid them for a few days until the stupid wears off.
I like having intelligent friends because I consider it a positive reflection of myself, and I enjoy being able to bounce ideas off of them. Our hangouts are like think-tank meetings. My friends and I can talk for hours about all kinds of interesting stuff, and I often leave our conversations feeling richer, as though I've earned interest on my intellectual capital. If you meet a so-called writer and he or she spends all their time with idiots, then proceed with caution. This person is most likely a pathological liar, or worse, their writing is terrible. Either way, you're in for a treat.
4. Writers say things that get others thinking.
Writers constantly examine the world around them, making observations and coming up with difficult questions that no one can answer. It's all part of the job; we need material for our projects. Sometimes this thought process escapes accidentally through our mouths and is given away freely as a token of wisdom that makes another person say, "Wow! I never thought of it like that before."
If I can challenge someone mentally with my words, then that's it. I've done my job. I am a writer, period.
5. Writers enjoy spending time alone.
What separates us from the other funny, insightful grammar Nazis that only hang out with smart people? Introversion.
We need time to ourselves... so we can write!
In all fairness, I stopped telling people that I was a writer months ago, until recently, when I got a contract as a tech writer. I hate lying, but just how much does one have to write in order to honestly be able to tell others, when asked what they do for a living, that they are a writer? I've asked this question of myself and others often, and have come to the following conclusion: the more famous you are, the less frequently you need to write in order to claim the occupation of writer. Hemingway has been dead for decades and thus has not produced any new material in a while, yet if you were to ask anyone what he did for a living, most of the time the answer would be something along the lines of: "He was a writer." You might get the occasional variation of novelist, author, or alcoholic, but they all mean the same thing.
Me? Well, I've got this blog, an unfinished/unpublished novel that I haven't spent any time on recently, and no fanbase (no disrespect to the 12 followers who have probably given up on me by now). So I have to write pretty much every day in order to be able to tell people that I am a writer without feeling like a liar.
But there are some things that distinguish writers from non-writers, even when we aren't putting pen to paper. We view life through a different lens, express ourselves uniquely, and use every interaction with the outside world as a chance to play with words. For us, language is a hobby. Yes, we are nerds.
So if someone you've just met tells you they are a writer, how do you know they are the real deal?
1. Writers are witty.
I have never met a writer that wasn't a smartass. It's like a contagious disease that we all caught after reading Huckleberry Finn. I myself never waste an opportunity to make fun of someone, even when I don't speak their language fluently. Let me back up a little. My heritage is Vietnamese, so when I'm around Vietnamese people (family or a nail salon), I speak Vietnamese, and I'm a smartass. I studied French in high school, so when I'm around French people (very rare but it does happen on occasion), I try to speak French, and I'm a smartass. I don't care if my pronunciation is awkward or the situation is serious; I'll still attempt a joke if it means lightening the mood. I was at a hospital a few days ago and I actually teased the nurse when he failed to start an IV correctly. I can't help myself. It's just who I am.
2. Writers like to scrutinize other people's writing.
Every writer I know analyzes written language like a forensic scientist at a crime scene. There is no spelling error that goes unnoticed, no improper use of grammar that doesn't get called out. We all hate the way most people text and update their Facebook statuses. Every time someone shares one of those Internet memes - you know, the picture of something funny with a witty caption - I always cringe at the poor use of English before laughing at the clever observation.
And hashtagging? What is up with that? I've written about hashtags before, but the epidemic has gotten even worse than I could ever have imagined. Hashtagged phrases used to be short quips that came after fully-realized thoughts. These days, many of my friends on Facebook just write their statuses as a series of hashtags. A year ago, a typical status update would have looked like this:
At the beach drinking pina coladas and playing volleyball with friends. Lovin' life! #goodtimes
I never would have complained about it if I'd known back then what I was in for. Now, a typical status update looks like this:
#beach #pinacoladas #friends #volleyball #goodtimes
What the fuck? How is it possible that people have enough time to check in and take pictures and share every little thing they do with the world, yet can't be bothered to write out full sentences anymore? I feel like I'm reading updates written in Newspeak from 1984. Just change your status to "doubleplusgood" and get it over with already.
Oh, excuse me, I meant #doubleplusgood.
If English teachers ruled the world, this shit would not fly. But they don't, and I feel sorry for them when I think about the kind of nonsense they have to deal with every time they grade papers. It's one of the reasons I never became an English teacher, even though I'm perfect for the job (dying to live abroad for a year, take pleasure in pointing out spelling mistakes). I don't want to spend my weekends working through a stack of essays written in a language that is not English, but its bastard child:
Macbeth was gr8. Yo check it, Duncan b 2 old 4 Scotland. Macbeth b killin da foo wit no mercy n gets 2 b king! Mad props to dat boy, he n his wifey crazy! Fuck Macduff n all da haterz. #doubledoubletoilntrouble
That was painful to write, but I'm hoping I got at least one laugh out of it.
3. Writers can only stand to hang out with intelligent people.
Every writer values good conversation, and you can't have those if you're hanging out with dumb people. All of my friends are smart. If one of my smart friends says something dumb, I avoid them for a few days until the stupid wears off.
I like having intelligent friends because I consider it a positive reflection of myself, and I enjoy being able to bounce ideas off of them. Our hangouts are like think-tank meetings. My friends and I can talk for hours about all kinds of interesting stuff, and I often leave our conversations feeling richer, as though I've earned interest on my intellectual capital. If you meet a so-called writer and he or she spends all their time with idiots, then proceed with caution. This person is most likely a pathological liar, or worse, their writing is terrible. Either way, you're in for a treat.
4. Writers say things that get others thinking.
Writers constantly examine the world around them, making observations and coming up with difficult questions that no one can answer. It's all part of the job; we need material for our projects. Sometimes this thought process escapes accidentally through our mouths and is given away freely as a token of wisdom that makes another person say, "Wow! I never thought of it like that before."
If I can challenge someone mentally with my words, then that's it. I've done my job. I am a writer, period.
5. Writers enjoy spending time alone.
What separates us from the other funny, insightful grammar Nazis that only hang out with smart people? Introversion.
We need time to ourselves... so we can write!
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