"Respect the fade."

I have been inspired by all those "Sh*t People Say" videos to create one of my own. However, since I'm a writer and not a filmmaker, I have a feeling that anything I produce using a camera will be a low-budget, barely audible recording of extremely poor quality that won't be much fun to watch. So I'll just write the script and let someone else worry about the video part.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is my foray into screenwriting. Okay, not really.

By the way, I'm writing what I know and what I know is very specific. There might be a total of three people in the world other than myself who will find this funny. If I'm lucky, maybe one of those three will read this blog post and show it to the other two.

And now, without further ado, I give you:

Sh*t People Say at Post-Production Houses

REENY: Where's the media for this project?

MANOELA: These Spanish soap operas are so annoying and the files always have problems.

ANDREA: The problem is not with the software. What did Media Services say?
MEDIA SERVICES: The media is fine. Talk to Andrea in Application Support.

OMAR: Did you check the end credits?

SARA: I hate all these teen soap operas.
ANTON: I hate these freaking vampire shows.
REENY: I'm working on an awesome feature that hits theaters next week.
SARA: I hate you.

WILL: Does anyone want to work this weekend?

ANTON: Is it drop frame or non-drop frame?

REENY: Wanna grab lunch?
MANOELA: I just got back from lunch.
REENY: Coffee break, then?
MANOELA: Okay.

DOMINIC: Hey, how was your weekend?
REENY: Hey, why are you sitting at my desk?

OMAR: Did you check the glossary?

REENY: How do you title this?
SARA: You got me. Ask Emmett.
EMMETT: I have no idea. Ask Omar.
OMAR: I don't know. Ask Will.
WILL: I'm not sure. Ask Creative.
CREATIVE: Screw all of you guys.

MANOELA: Why are they called Creative, anyway?

REENY: I can't access the media again.
KIRK: Seriously, it's right there. I can see it.

ANTON: Where's the script for this project?

MANOELA: I'm getting really tired of working on Spanish soap operas.

SEAN: What's the project number?
MALU: Can you give me the path?
MIK: Do you have a screenshot?
SIRANUSH: What's your ETA?
REENY: Are there any bagels left?

OMAR: Did you check the documentation?

WILL: Pete has a ton of stuff on his desk you can knock over.
PETE: Will asked you to deliver a message to me?

MANOELA: This Portuguese translator does not know Portuguese.

REENY: Seriously, where's the media?
WILL: Please give Reeny media access.
KIRK: I did, like two hours ago.
REENY: I lost access.

REENY: Is "douche bag" one word or two?
DEVON: Two.

REENY: I hate filling out timesheets.
ANTON: I hate subtitling.
SARA: I hate closed-captions.
MANOELA: I hate these freaking Spanish soap operas!

WILL: You don't have to come in this weekend if you don't want to.

DOMINIC: Where's the repo file?
REENY: I don't care. You're in my seat.

MANOELA: What time did you get here?
REENY: Just now.
MANOELA: Wanna take a coffee break?
REENY: Okay.

EVITA: ****!

LEONARD: Do I really have to title all of these songs?
ANTON: Can you read that?
SARA: What the hell is this person saying?

OMAR: Did you check online?

WILL: I lied. Can you come in this weekend?

REENY: How am I supposed to research this name if I can't visit any porn sites?
KIRK: The German team had the same problem a couple months ago with gambling sites.