Anyway, sometimes I have these thoughts that I want to get out, but after getting them out I realize that no one other than myself would find the read all that interesting. Or maybe I think it might be a little too interesting, if you know what I mean, not something that should be made public. At least not for free. I'll whore out my personal life, I don't care. Just as long as I get paid to do so. Otherwise, it's Privacy City for all the really fun stuff.
So I release, then bottle up again.
What this means for you, dear faithful reader if you're still out there, is that what you're about to read is something that is A) important enough for me to feel the need to write about it, and B) something that you might actually be interested in.
In fact, I'm sure you've already read tons of blog posts and articles on the subject. So much so that you're probably sick of reading about it. Which is obviously why this is the perfect time for me to add my two cents on the matter.
I can't believe I'm going to be yet another person talking about this, but here goes.
Unless you live under a rock (or in a country other than the U.S.), you most likely know that this Sunday is the biggest game of the year in the NFL. You might have cute names for it - maybe something along the lines of The American Football Ultimate World Championship or Le Grand Match du Football Américain - but here in the States, we just call it the Super Bowl.
For only the second time ever in their franchise history, my home team, the Seattle Seahawks, have advanced to the final game.
I'm excited, of course, but I also have mixed feelings about the whole thing, being the incredibly nuanced and objective person that I strive to be. Stop rolling your eyes.
Rather than explain some of the controversy, rivalries, trash talking, and other such nonsense surrounding this event, I'm just going to jump right in and directly address the people who are getting on my nerves.
First of all, San Francisco.
SHUT UP ALREADY with your stupid talk about how Richard Sherman is a thug and how much classier your sore-loser team is. What makes the 49ers so classy, huh? Was it that ridiculous email that was sent out to Niner fans reminding everyone how to cheer at games? Or Colin Kaepernick's outfit to the NFC Championship post-game press conference? Nothing says "classy" like a backwards-cap-and-headphones combo. Or did you think it was classy when Michael Crabtree shoved Sherman in the face after he tried to shake his hand? That Crabtree is one classy guy.
Some people seem to think that Richard Sherman acted unprofessionally in front of the camera during his interview with Erin Andrews. I'd like to see how any of those people would react to someone's hand in their face after reaching out in a friendly gesture.
Next up, Bandwagon Fan Haters.
QUIT YOUR WHINING just because your team didn't make it to the Super Bowl. And even if your team did make it to the Super Bowl, and you supported them all along, why the fuck do you get so upset if they happen to pick up some new fans along the way? Shouldn't you be happy for your team? People who make fun of so-called bandwagon fans are riding the bandwagon themselves just by doing so! You wanna know why the Broncos and the Seahawks all of a sudden have so many fans? It's because THEY ARE THE ONLY TWO TEAMS LEFT. Let that sink into your stupid thick skull for a minute. When teams are eliminated in the playoffs, as they are wont to do, most fans - yes, most! - will find themselves without a team to root for in the big game. 32 teams in the league, but only two in the final match-up. Oh dear, what do we do in the highly probable event that our favorite team doesn't make it? Do we stop watching football altogether? Do we just pick a dog in the fight and hope for the best? Or do we continue to watch, but not pick a team, and shit on everyone who does?
And finally, Seattle.
DON'T EVEN THINK you're anywhere remotely close to being off the hook. This goes without saying, but Seahawks fans are the most annoying fanbase in the entire NFL. Why? Because you live in Seattle, and are thus victim to all the afflictions that plague the denizens of that city. What might those be? Hyper-sensitivity, passive-aggressiveness, whininess, a general sense of entitlement, being proud of things that are stupid, the complete inability to take a joke or ever laugh at yourselves, childish reactions to criticism of any sort whether real or imagined, and bad fashion sense, to name a few.
Here's an example of being proud of things that are stupid. You guys are noisy, no doubt, but the 12th Man has more to do with the architecture of CenturyLink Stadium than it does how passionate you think you are. You don't love your team any more than any other city loves their team, and I'd like to see how you fare in a neutral-zone stadium that isn't coated in aluminum.
Here are some examples of hyper-sensitivity: getting mad about Kaepernick's commercial for Beats by Dre, complaining to Bill Burr when he mocked the 12th Man with "We Are the Loudest," and the never-ending flurry of Facebook posts about Richard Sherman's charity work and the fact that he attended Stanford.
Here's an example of the inability to take a joke: I guarantee that anyone from Seattle who read this immediately thought I was shallow for making fun of the way you guys dress. You might even be inclined to talk about how Seattle has the highest number of college graduates per capita or insult me for living in L.A., proving that you missed the entire point of my randomly throwing it in there. Typical.
By now, you're probably wondering why I would root for the Seahawks when I have so many bad things to say about their fans. Well, I root for the Hawks because I was born and raised in Seattle. That's the team I grew up with, plain and simple. I just hate having to share my team with a city that I find so incredibly annoying.
And one more thing. Nobody wants to hear this, but it needs to be said, because it's the truth: I want the Hawks to be in the Super Bowl as much as the next person, but not with the help of shady officiating. You have to admit that a lot of bad calls were made during the NFC Championship. Just because it happened to us once doesn't mean we are "owed" a game where refs unfairly influence the outcome in our favor.
Okay, I'm done ranting. To publish or not to publish?
GO HAWKS!
